The first line of a poem I wrote, “A leaf falls, loneliness”, can’t remember the rest. Recovery from coma seems interminable. It’s been three years now, sure I’m no longer confined to bed, in a wheelchair or walking frame, but it’s been like it is now for two years and no substantial improvement. They told me in hospital it wouldn’t get better, perhaps I should have stayed in institutional care and given up my hopes of independent life again. They told me it’s not going to improve except through time, they said time was my best friend. So true, my only friend. To walk and remember so appallingly, I just wonder if life will ever improve, is this the new normal for me? To have lived with another normal and now to be offered only this, the brain really is so central to us, we are just like computers in our mechanical functioning, all is lost upon reboot, but even computers remember, it’s all stored as 1’s and 0’s. Perhaps in the future we will synchronize with computers and will live through events such as coma. But human animals can experience hope and we live thoughtful lives, our creation computers cannot write poetry, I live in hope, a leaf falls… — Walking has deteriorated for me, almost couldn’t cross paths I previously traversed daily, getting in people’s way, quite the worst I’ve ever walkedand after three years… it really was incredibly bad. I can see no reason for it, utterly no reason, somebody doesn’t like me upstairs. something I could do before but can’t now.
I can’t even clearly remember the band I previously played in, such important events lost, I hope it comes back one day…
One thought on “Loneliness ”
Beautiful post, and such a strong soul and courageous spirit! It’s the struggle to be godlike and perfect that makes us human. We all have our failings in our mortal hosts, bodies that tire, wear and tear. But our souls, they transcend and ascend with triumph and noble strength.