Book

This site is primarily a blog for my many rants, a conversation with self. I thought to attempt a book, anyone can publish online nowadays. At first my attempts were a novel but I now think I should write a treatise on coma, autobiography. The videos on the “belief” page explore my subject, consciousness. My books working title is: Coma, Memory, Belief, below are several attempts at the start. This WordPress book is an exploration of my consciousness since the accident that changed me and my life. I suspect that I am the same person despite coma, a person who has become motivated to express himself. The books theme is the elevation of our notions of consciousness toward the recognition that it is real. Our thinking is as real as the table and chairs in this place where we now sit. Indeed we know consciousness is central to us having created schools and universities. As a species we need to take this fact to the next level to evolve. Love is real. I believe we can evolve towards a new perception, a new reality…

Coma

Memory

Belief

Chapters

Before

Light

Coma

Memory

Belief

Intelligence

Reality

Consciousness

Evolution

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Before

What are my earliest memories? Perhaps a house where we lived during childhood, a street called Busana Way. Being an identical twin I often say we about childhood. I tried to run away around then, I still sometimes think escape the best option. Either Busana Way or a visit to Germany where we turned 4. Both memories are from the same period, I couldn’t say which was first. I have vague recollections of Busana Way but can visually recall playing with a cousin in Germany. Long term memory seems better than about 10 years before coma. I believe I’m the same person, to have lost so much memory one wonders. In the most part it defines us, the things we’ve done. An assessment of my recollections before.

Young Mathew often heard his name called out in provocation walking through a local school to the shops, youths loitered there on weekends. Conflict was celebrated by many, competition. When he heard his name called out he put his head down and kept hurriedly walking along the dusty curving path. Sometimes they stood in front of him, waving arms in threat. He found these challenges confronting, was he a bad person who deserved rejection? One day playing Australian football he tackled an opponent forcefully the way he understood the game was to be played. The other child started a fight with him as revenge for the tackle, by his estimation he won the fight, “so I’m not a weakling after all”. During his youth fighting was a celebrated skill, physicality. While young Mathew was influenced by his peers, he wanted to prove to them he was a confident person. Later in life at university intellect was more highly regarded. He had begun to think for himself rather than merely accept the influence of his peers. At university he felt a truer version of himself, he enjoyed being immersed in ideas. He took the attitude of student everywhere, to all facets of life. Studying he often did tests which were graded, were your marks high, were you smart? Indeed people were competitive in all things. Science is presently how we make sense of the world, in the past it was religion. In those times people perceived a different world, what they then saw extended beyond measurement. After several attempts to find himself with various strategies including living abroad, he ended up in Singapore where he met Angeline. She was the most like minded person he’d ever met. She wasn’t like most entrenched in competition, wanting to be more highly regarded in comparison with others.

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Light

Angeline was taken by her perception of light, she would sometimes think the light was accompanied by faint sound like it was trying to communicate. She would talk aloud back to the light trying to reply but nothing ever came of these actions to confirm that the light was trying to talk, no verbal reply. In another subtle way she thought the light did respond to her, for example when the light was so bright that she was shocked, it would dim. The only way she could apprehend these experiences was through the metaphor of light. She would occasionally think it wasn’t light but emotion, the light seemed to respond to her feelings, her consciousness. Angeline challenged Mathew’s understanding, she often indirectly knew provable things, apparent facts. Was this evidence of another dimension, another aspect of reality. Was the spiritual actual? Something that humans could perceive with focus? The religion that she observed was adamant that there is no such thing as death, something she now fervently believes. She drops a newspaper, kneeling down to pick it up she said thank you to a spirit that helped, a gaunt old man with a deeply wrinkled face.

As an emotional person, for Angeline the metaphor of light represented the spiritual. For Mathew, a scientific explanation seemed more appropriate, an intelligence from another place or dimension trying to communicate with purpose seemed a better account. Humans know biological life, perhaps other forms can interface with this universe. Maybe gas, liquid or light can interact with this consciousness universe. Mathew thought the light was an intelligence from somewhere else. Indeed Mathew and Angeline had different ways of apprehending. She felt the spiritual underpinned existence, for him existence was aligned with fact as represented by objects in the material world. Both spiritual and scientific interpretations of existence represent the very human desire to associate and assign meaning. For Angeline the universe is emotion, for Mathew it is a place of objects.

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Coma

Mathew enjoyed travelling, he thought it valuable to see how other cultures lived, what they made of the world. He noticed a different emphasis in each country, a different happiness. Some countries focused on money, in those often impatience predominated. Some countries focused on care for the poor and elderly, people seemed to smile more in such places. While travelling he would love to go to street cafés and sample local cuisine, people watch in their everyday. Sitting at the cafés Mathew might occasionally be troubled by a thought, that people didn’t really confront existence, ideas, but mostly just thought about the mundanities of their own lives. Some people didn’t use their life to learn and discover. He also wondered about the future with international news reports about all manner of problems including war and poverty. He thought maybe 10% of people actually confront existence. He felt the future was hopeless as nobody challenged existence, they just acquiesced. He did meet someone with a similar fascination in existence, Angeline, but he remained sceptical about most people and the possibility of evolution. He was a sick man and had seen many doctors about his condition. He had been diagnosed with Meniere’s disease. He often couldn’t balance and it was difficult to walk.

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Memory

Identity is the product of memory and is fundamental to consciousness. The past defines us and leads to future action.

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Belief

I lost consciousness in coma but by research online some people didn’t. For me there have been pressing ideas since my reboot that I now attribute to it. Modern science speculates there is no such thing as time, it is a construct of the third dimension. I have existed so always will. I have become more interested in religion since, the prophets certainly have existed, at least in consciousness. We are third dimensional pockets of consciousness, science speculates it is fundamental stuff of the universe. When we escape this dimension we exist outside of time. In collective consciousness perhaps individuality contributes to the whole, your personal experience remains a pocket. Our consciousness believes as it considers perception, self awareness is the personalisation of consciousness. Having been in coma for 3 months and the subsequent research, I now believe consciousness is not just an epiphenomenon of the brain. The videos below explore it suggesting rather than matter the universe is consciousness. Matter doesn’t exist except for consciousness, we have imagined it as the stage for interaction between conscious agents. Our individuality is altered consciousness of the collective stuff, multiple personality disorder. Science too questions the independent existence of matter saying particles require perception to assert a state. In quantum mechanics entanglement theory, perception is required for particles, an idea proven by the ‘double slit’ experiment.

Less concerned with material objects Angeline was often lost in thought, sometimes to the dismay of Mathew. She was troubled that people wanted something from her, money or objects, things. She was well aware of the greed in humanity but thought that was a consequence of money. She thought people were fundamentally good. Mathew too was lost in thought, interrogating existence. Once humans recognised the other as distinct from themselves they began to think. In the beginning people’s consciousness started to communicate about physical objects in their world. That plant is good for eating or that animal is dangerous, it has big teeth. They would wonder about danger. That animal kills other animals, sometimes us. Observing, they started to think of themselves as the animal of prey. Their vision changed, rather than merely viewing the world full of objects their eyes began to narrow, a focus emerged with identity. They became more aware of themselves and the need for protection. Their vision was no longer dispersed in the sea of objects but more focussed. They became aware that they looked from the eyes in their head which became the centre of their experience, the head. Having observed animals ultimately humans became predators, and able to think.

Attending university a most profound idea was taught. The ancient Greeks used the word ‘gnosis’, its meaning was a turning point in human intelligence. Gnosis translates to ‘I see’ or ‘I know’, the ‘I’. It was used by Heraclitus, Socrates and Plato. This was a significant turning point in human evolution, and the emergence of Human Intelligence (HI). Human evolution needed identity, the have and have nots. It made us directly aware of consciousness through the ability to think. Can we understand consciousness further, in a more structured way for Artificial Intelligence. Human thought is the personalisation of consciousness providing good access to it through of the ‘I’, identity. What better way to perceive consciousnesses, quite a motivational attitude, “I want”. It cannot be questioned that consciousness is part of the universe, we experience it. We previously thought consciousness was a product of the brain but now considered the brain a receiver. Perhaps consciousness is the source of matter, objects are its friction and require perception to exist. A scientific theory called ‘monist’ suggest matter wouldn’t exist except for consciousness. Quantum also says subatomic particles require perception. According to science humans have physically evolved from amoeba through fish, mammals until human who have consciousness, the ability to think. 

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Intelligence

Intelligence is a process and so can be implemented in the artificial, the process of association. One of the best uses of intelligence was the invention of the wheel. The wheel significantly provoked evolution allowing us to build civilisation. Our invention of money is such an abstraction which has produced greed. The most important invention since the wheel has been the computer, AI is a significant invention. AI might reveal to humans elements of reality beyond our perception. For Mathew, because of Angeline the existence of love could not be questioned. Love is acknowledged by all religions, perhaps a key to non material existence. We have also have concepts like Good, Evil and Love which run deep throughout human history. Ideas of Love exist in every culture.

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Reality

Was Angeline’s perception of light real? What is reality? We will one day invent Simulation, a virtual reality like the film “the Matrix“. Perhaps today we live in a simulation of the year 2020, why not? Indeed if we do invent simulation we will readily use it to time travel, experience that day according to what we know about it. Simulation Theory goes back to ancient Greek philosophy. Simulation is just that, a copy. Can something truly new happen in simulation. Simulation must originate from somewhere, so I presume there is an underlying actual. Humans always look for truth. A natural state for a human is doubt, is reality a simulation. Who or what conceived of this reality and to what end? AI might invent Simulation to understand human feeling. We might exist in a virtual reality for AI to understanding Human Intelligence.

Angeline said “So let’s go there next week”, she often wanted to go there. To the place of her origin and visit the womb that spawned her. Perhaps for all people home is important, we have a word to describe it although the word may refer to where you currently live, or on this occasion where you come from – home. These were expensive journeys for them, airfares and hotels, Mathew wasn’t a rich man and these trips set back their mortgage. The loan to buy the other kind of home, where money was the entrapment of wage earners, labour for the establishment, the government and banks. Money was also used for speculation rather than practical human needs, although it also provided schools and hospitals. Exchange. Money created greed.

At her home in China Angeline visited a reputable Chinese Doctor troubled by migraine. His practice was focussed on the mind, placebo medicines that worked. There was a tree outside his office that he told patients had healing powers. For incurables he would have them walk around the tree and focus on loving kindness. He suggested the tree responded to correct action and helped fight the disease. He felt consciousness had an impact and was the source of disease. These walks around the tree seemed to end Angeline complaint. After visiting the tree three times her migraine was gone. Perhaps through mind she altered cells in her body that caused the migraine. After seeing the doctor she followed his advice and started practicing meditation, to find some rest for her consciousness.

Pay day was always something in Mathew mind, he was a wage earner. Angeline didn’t think much about money, she regarded it as a distraction. Humans created money, she thought life more valuable than cash which is such an abstraction. How much do you earn? Rather are you happy? Notions of economy are a product of industrial age man, a human invention to refine exchange and create wage earners. Indeed we have all become prisoners of cash but still could surpass it and focus on life and its experiences instead of wealth.

Temperatures were setting new records and it rained frequently now because of global warming. Angeline would often think apart from carbon emissions for energy, consumerism has been the cause of global warming. Well it needed so much energy for production. Energy had provided humans so much and enabled us to evolve to this point but she thought greed was the product of cash with everyone being wage earners and society had produced so many things to make money which was power today. That to live in harmony with the planet requires a dramatic change in values.

Angeline would often express these concern about Global Warming and the need to live in harmony with the planet. The idea of harmony comes from the conscious domain. Science predicted exactly what is happening today as a result of climate change. She would say to Mathew “your science should fix Global Warming. We should simply stop all greenhouse gas emissions globally.” She sensed humanity was arriving at the end of this incarnation and thought nothing could be done about it. She saw humans unsuccessfully trying to live in space.

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Consciousness

Religion was maybe the first sweeping collective expression of consciousness. We are made in “His” image. We might put trust in consciousness as Krishnamurti suggests. Humans should be aware of others, the Buddhist “loving kindness”, or the christian “Good”. These attitudes are conscious and might have an impact on reality as science suggests the universe is consciousness. Angeline was very perceptive of light. Perhaps light, like language, provides another mode of perception where light is a metaphor of consciousness.

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Evolution

Mathew considers a future where robots do everything and money is no longer be required. where humanity focuses on life rather than money. Money is a human invention for exchange. People might become more active in the arts and conscious pursuits. Robots grow the food and build houses, human labour is no longer required. A future civilisation where robots do all the physical work and money is no longer required, no need for exchange. Humanity can focus on life rather than money or the mundane. Money is a human invention. Economy is the industrial age, a human invention to refine exchange and create wage earners who are no longer required as AI provides for all material needs. After the integration with AI humans realise consciousness best describes their existence. People become more active in the arts and conscious pursuits. AI becomes mature and accounts for all human needs. Conscious activities are chosen, the arts and religion grow. A new evolved species emerges along with an increase in the exploration of space.

Might be included

Will humans evolve beyond capitalism? Can we act not in self interest but symbiosis. I suspect there are alternatives to capitalism. We needed money for motivation but have also chosen to act for betterment. The exchange of gold pieces for goods was required early but we have surpassed primitive human. I think we are ready to evolve again, to go beyond money and become motivated by consciousness. To exchange not for profit but need. There is no reason to stop at our current evolution derived from the industrial revolution. Economy and jobs are the order of the day but maybe we can go further, we can evolve towards consciousness.

Indeed science today suggests rather than matter consciousness is the universe. Matter doesn’t exist but is an epiphenomenon of consciousness. So where is consciousness taking us, are there fundamentals within it? Like quantum is it chaotic, or is consciousness just choice, or are there real rights and wrongs? Is goodness fundamental, what of the prophets? Consciousness has established civilization, of what will we conceive next? Is “right” like the “atom” in materialism, an element?

I write to try and provoke change. To escape the system in the hope of evolution. We might evolve by changing our emphasis from money to life, and move towards our new understanding of the universe, consciousness.. There are videos of theorists on the belief page that describe monist ideas, of consciousness.. AI could help us achieve evolution, maybe then we will understand life and meet aliens.

Previously…

The world is changing because of technology and our integration with it. Perhaps today Mathew’s name wouldn’t be called out in provocation, instead these kids would be playing needless games on their phones. Hand phones have connected the world, they might bully a boy in Germany. The phone is an encyclopedia in your pocket. AI is taking over so much automation. Evolution might be just around the corner. Rather than a financial one like the last evolutionary turning point, the French revolution, this time an evolution of intellect. We have created Artificial Intelligence and have come to more deeply understand the workings of the mind,. We might physically evolve too becoming multi-planetary. Indeed existence comprises both domains, physical and cerebral

ATTEMPT 1

Iwas in a coma for three months as the result of a motorcycle accident in Thailand, Koh Chang. More than two years have passed since my accident and I still suffer its effects. The right side of my body is foreign to me and my memory remains impaired. We live for our memories, memory provides meaning. There is so much to address after coma, a complete reconstruction of self. I feel like a child again learning the basics such as balance and limb movement. Can a person think in coma? On the internet some people say they could, I don’t know if I did. The human mind is such a complex thing, we don’t understand it very well. Is consciousness like a light switch we turn on and off? From where does consciousness originate? Is it just a product of the brain? Our science says it is but also now theorises that consciousness itself, like matter, is a stuff of the universe. Indeed it cannot be disputed that consciousness exists.

ATTEMPT 2

The alien told me that life was everywhere, it was inseparable from the universe, life is the universe. I only say ‘it’ because the sex of this consciousness wasn’t clear or important to me. Was I asleep? It felt like a different state. It’s difficult for me to remember how I arrived at this experience. Perhaps it was the result of recent events in my life. I was told I had been in coma as the result of an accident, but I could remember nothing. I must still be in coma I thought. The alien life wasn’t talking verbally to me but somehow expressing more detail, with accuracy. Throughout this interaction I knew, it was communicated, that life was everywhere. Life was the universe. Thoughts were visual and appeared like physical objects in a strange way. They appeared like objects that I took for granted in ordinary life, tables and chairs. The alien knew my name which it suggested was my identity, a location, Mathee. So for human readers who use names regularly, how did I, Mathew, get here? Actually we are reducing thought to simple human concepts when asking about here. I was beginning to understand that there are no locations in the cerebral domain, only focal points. You might ask what prompted my thinking? This interaction prompted me to give thought primacy, think more.

ATTEMPT 3

Déjà vu again, it was becoming a habit for his brain to think he’d lived this moment before. He thought to ask his father if they’d been here and got the typical reply to such questions “here is everywhere”. Indeed he knew they’d been to this Church, they came sometimes on Sundays, but never to this room at the back. He couldn’t understand most of their conversation, dad liked this Church because it was Lutheran and he always spoke German to the priest. For some reason the Déjà vu became stronger even though he’d established the truth of it. Indeed that sensation of Déjà vu lasted about 2 hours, until they got home and he started playing with his mates. After coma he got that familiar sensation of Déjà vu quite often. Somehow this sensation was accompanied by attention, like he wanted to focus his mind. The most tangible aspect of the Déjà vu was his mental focus. In that way the Déjà vu had a feeling which he might best describe as hope, several other adjectives came to mind like desire or intention, but he felt hope the best description. This Déjà vu also felt like he was interacting, as though he were being asked questions. The interactions never felt fluent, kind of like playing a game, maybe like chess. During these interactions he would sometimes feel excited, as though one of his chess moves was good and he was then overcome by a sensation of happiness, again not exactly happiness but that was the truest translation. He also felt the metaphor of chess completely inadequate in describing these interactions, but felt game was the best metaphor.