book

 

Foreword

I was in coma for 3 months, here I trace the experience. Writing has contributed to the reconstruction of self. For hardcopy, click here…

 

Chapters

Before
Brood
Coma
Memory
Belief
Intelligence
Reality
Light
Consciousness
Evolution

 

 

 

Before

We have five senses with which to perceive the world, that’s what we’ve got to go on. What is consciousness? In the absence of an accepted definition, it might be described as perception, experience, memory, where identity emerges. I lost mine in coma, by my research online some people didn’t. For me to come out speaking German makes me wonder. The hospital nurse said, since coma he is obsessed with travel. That is his first point of communication every day; connecting flights, departure times, luggage transfer. Yesterday, he complained that this transit lounge isn’t a good one, where’s the bar? He believes that he is still travelling, or has just arrived. His sister remarked, he’s done a lot of that. Travelled much of the world before coma.

At first I explored my immediacy, then that which was not became compelling. What other people made of the world. I explored my own country first, moving home many times, interstate, it’s a big country. I lived on the resort island of South Molle for around 6 months, about 3,000 klm to the north of where I grew up. I lived in Sydney, Townsville, Margaret River, Airlie Beach. I drove to every capital city, all over the country. Then I went abroad, observing foreign cultures. Once an old man in Thailand told me something I thought I’d never forget. A perspective now lost, like so much of my experience. At the time I hoped travel would cast some light, but coma has been my biggest journey. The greatest transit lounge I might ever experience. 

Apparently I would often ask hospital staff, ‘what time’s the flight?’. When my twin came to visit, I’d ask ‘are you packed?’. I believed travel was again imminent. A line from a poem I wrote best sums up my disorientation, “a leaf falls, loneliness”. Coma was marked by solitude, and descent. I lost myself, my identity, I didn’t know who I was. These are the reflections of a coma victim, full of doubt. Perhaps I came to understand something about the construction of identity. Before coma I was interested in exploration, the material world. Where am I as opposed to who. Location, the different places you can go by choice. Physical space, and objects, can be incredibly interesting. Buildings, food, nature, this way or that. Difference.

When I came out of coma I spoke German, English is my native language. I’m an Australian with German heritage, my skills in that language might be described as conversational at best. I can speak a little on the street. After coma, German became my first language. Apparently I spoke it well, better than before. It amazes me I forgot how I think, we live in language. There are stories online of coma victims waking to speak previously unknown foreign languages fluently, like a first language. One such account can be found here, http://brobible.com/life/article/speaking-foreign-language-after-coma/.  Grappling with this fact, science has dubbed the phenomena ‘bilingual aphasia’. These language effects of coma make me question it more deeply. Another documented effect of coma is that victims can sometimes have inexplicable memories. Does coma present evidence for reincarnation?

This work is an investigation of consciousness, I have become fascinated by the non material world. Consciousness from the perspective of a coma victim. While there isn’t an accepted definition, we all intimately know consciousness, a state of being. How can the physical brain give rise to something of a completely different order, to perception and experience? I am trying to remember my consciousness before coma, my identity, in the reconstruction of self. My reboot was the result of a motorcycle accident. For me to remember past events makes them relevant to reconstruction, perhaps some contributed to my malaise.

 

Brood 

Before coma I lived in the physical world, of space, time, and objects. Coma has opened my eyes to the non material world, consciousness. We all have it, and most would agree that, rather than our physical form, consciousness describes us best. It provides motivation for our actions, civilisation is built on it. Like the world of objects, we are immersed in it. Consciousness differentiates us from Artificial Intelligence, I don’t think we can programme it. Perhaps I should explore the world of intelligence to more clearly understand how consciousness fits in. 

I think intelligence pertains to the material world, providing systematic logic for the comprehension, association and manipulation of objects, objectivity. Subjectivity comes from consciousness, and provides for perception, experience, memory. I believe I have always acted consciously aware, trying to do the right thing, be good by my conception. Consciousness and intelligence are intimately related as both come from the non material world.

I have been interested in consciousness for some time. Before coma I had a condition that also corrupted my perception. Somehow I acquired Ménière’s disease, here is a description from Google search, Singapore 13th February 2023: “Ménière’s disease is a rare disorder that affects the inner ear. It can cause vertigo, tinnitus, hearing loss, and a feeling of pressure deep inside the ear.”

Ménière’s is a physical condition of the inner ear that impacts one’s consciousness, primarily balance. At times, it made it impossible for me to walk, because of the vertigo. Sometimes I couldn’t even stand, at others there was no vertigo. I often had vague symptoms, the severity of which was unpredictable. Ménière’s made it difficult for me to act freely, do things at will. I would always wonder, what if I have an episode? They might occur many times a day, I was constantly aware of balance, the vertigo. I could often walk always unevenly, but during an episode I sometimes couldn’t stand. At these moments I’d need to find a seat. I’d question the places I might go, and the potential for obstacles. Parties, large social gatherings, unpredictable places, were out of the question.

I had Ménière’s for a few years, it got progressively worse. Eventually it had come to control my life, the things I might do. After a serious Ménière’s episode in Thailand, and going there to take action, full of frustration with the disease I deliberately crashed a motorcycle. Consequently coma for 3 months. Both conditions, Ménière’s and Coma, have led me to investigate the non material world. I have discovered that conception is something we don’t biologically understand, where does consciousness come from? Ménière’s is clearly of physical origin, a damaged inner ear and its balance receptors. I also suffered tinnitus, a constant squeal in my ears. Balance is something on which consciousness immediately depends. Ménière’s impacted my consciousness with bad data. Coma is brain death, the apparent temporary obliteration of consciousness, why did I come out speaking German? Does consciousness derive from the brain? Do we have neurology for love, the colour red?

What is the neurology for colour? Neuroscience explains colour via wavelengths and brain signals, but that doesn’t capture the ‘redness’ we experience. What of colour blindness? Even though colour processing begins with wavelength, like language its recognition and association comes from conscious memory.

How do the intricacies of memory and experience become manifest, by what brain matter? We have scientific evidence that perception, an act of consciousness, is fundamental to our construction of reality, the ‘double slit’ experiment in quantum physics. Today we think that the language of mathematics best describes the universe. Certainly it can make accurate predictions, but can it account for consciousness?

Coma has provoked me to confront existence, which encompasses more than its physical manifestation. Science has come up with Schrödinger’s cat, physic’s can’t know if the cat is dead or alive until measured. That stands to reason, but until the moment of observation it is neither, perception now included in the mathematics of physics. Today our science theorises about much more than the atom, it has come up with entanglement theory’s super position. The same particle can be in different places and states, proven by distanced observation across planet Earth. We are always discovering new aspects of reality in science.

Having built them, computers and artificial intelligence are a good representation of human intelligence. However, for humans there are infinite possibilities, not so for computers. You can turn a computer off, but it can’t experience coma. Some people have reported experience in coma, personally I have no memory of it. Recovery has offered me a different take on reality, from my localised perception. Despite infinity there are conscious boundaries. Life is ideas, but not without limits, conception imposes on perception. We’ve always had two targets, mind and matter. Writing all of this has unraveled, in part, my identity. I often talked with friends about scientific truths, and do so again. In the past, science was my god. Here, I also talk of my past, it had become foreign. My rebirth has emphasised a beginning, for me, my thoughts, everything I consider, a formative psychology.

 

Coma

Writing about coma, here I include several snippets unchanged from early in recovery, descriptions in despair. I wrote notes on my phone during the aftermath. I trace the rediscovery of consciousness, localised perception and experience. I was deeply troubled before coma which contributed to its occasion. I can distinctly remember being off-kilter, uncomfortable with physical movement, family relationships, and circumstance. At the time I grouped these troubles into 3 categories: Ménière’s, Family, Hope. I sensed no positive outcome for each.

These are the recollections of a coma victim, orderless and without logic. None of it fact, all interpretation. My project is the restoration of identity, who I am? I can remember being somewhat pedantic. After coma I have such a poor memory, before I thought it good, proven through study. Now I’m always trying not to forget things. For example, where are my keys? Are they in my wallet where I usually keep them, the coin pouch? An important item for sure, my keys have become a focus, they open doors. Today I question all of my memory, in particular facts as opinion is necessarily uncertain. Opinion is choice, a point of view. There are methods for accessing memory described online, I try to use them. An association technique, link memories to something one can more easily remember. That drink I occasionally order at the coffee shop, I often forget its name. The British monarchy, or Royal stout.each.

Before coma I especially liked to travel and explore the world, its cultures and antiquities. Ménière’s disease prompted me to more immediately pursue such ambitions. I didn’t think I’d be able to for very much longer, because the disease. I went to many of the places I previously dreamed of going, The Pyramids, Giza, the Great Wall, Peru. I recall thinking Peru an amazing country, Machu Picchu, and the history. I suspected it as a source of human evolution. I feel I should also mention Ukraine as much is happening there right now. It’s a fantastic country, somehow feeling familiar, the layout reminded me of home. I went to maybe 20 countries, returned to Australia for a moment, then on to Thailand with something in mind. Exploring, I often rented a motorbike. It was a few years after the onset of Ménière’s disease, I rode carefully at first aware of the possibility of an episode at any moment. I would know when an attack was imminent, beginning to loose balance. The throws of the disease had become obvious to me, a sense of instability. At first there was a feeling. I would lose confidence for no obvious reason, become tentative. I could test if I was normal purposefully walking. At the start of an episode there is a sense of instability, everything teetering.

Ménière’s prompted my actions, although I must admit to attempting suicide before. A flaw in my character, often wanting to escape trying circumstance. During my late teens I remember walking to work every day thinking existence was pointless, always chasing the dollar. There was no prospect for human evolution beyond capitalism. More than emotion, money had become the singular purpose. At the time I felt pretty jaded, human purpose had been reduced to financial profit. Disillusioned, my first attempt ensued. One night I took a lot of pain killers, around 60 pills. I’d been shopping for a drug that might escape me from this mortal coil, so focused on money we are. I bought the drug Bex which had the strongest warning on the packet, don’t take more than 4 pills. I bought two packets, maybe 60 pills, and took all of them spending the next day vomiting. Another attempt, I tried to score some heroin planning an over dose. That was after Meniere’s disease, I never felt at peace always worried. I remember looking for that drug at a notorious spot for it in Melbourne. Walking around the streets of St Kilda for a day, I asked dodgy looking people ‘have you got any drugs?’. I eventually got some from a friend telling him I wanted heroin. He brought some powders around to my place. What I remember is, being at home and snorting all of the drugs I’d been given, believing them to be heroin. Not having had heroin before, it seemed likes other drugs I’d taken; cocaine, speed, ecstasy. Rather pleasant, but not how I imagined heroin would be. I thought it more a sedative, you would become less active. The powders provoked exploration, of anything at hand. I went to a local bar thinking it wasn’t heroin. Ultimately it had the opposite effect, I felt life was pretty good and not to be prematurely ended. Alas.

I have ridden motorbikes all over the world; Europe, India, Asia, Africa. A great way to explore. Often I like to ride without a helmet, the wind in my hair. I went to Thailand, Koh Chang, with an idea to put an end to all these troubles. Riding past other vehicles I thought I could collide, but quickly thought again. I shouldn’t impact other people with my intended fate. During the second day on Koh Chang, I had a strong Ménière’s attack on the beach. I often had mild episodes, luckily the worst on the beach where I could lay down. Late that afternoon I went to my favourite bar on the island where I knew the owner, I had a couple of beers. Then to a beach bar for a couple more. Then back to my friend’s bar, I associated drinking with a time out, I was thinking. Eventually I went back to my hotel room, packed my things, locked my bag, waited until after midnight when nobody would be around. Earlier I had spotted a boulder fit for purpose. It was at the centre of a roundabout, the location pretty desolate, on back roads. Full of frustration with Ménière’s disease, I saw no possibility of an unaffected life. I crashed into the roundabout boulder, an accident.

Let me explain, Ménière’s disease was confronting, it presented a loss of freedom. I felt trapped, imprisoned, not being able to live as I always had, at will. It had become impossible for me to do many of my favourite things, go to public places or events. I felt sub me, an approximation. Over several years Ménière’s had become worse, now it controlled my life. First thing in the morning I would struggle out of bed with dizzy spells, having to hold walls to get to the kitchen and make breakfast. I might want to visit my twin brother, an extremely slow amble to the train station. A walk that might normally take 20 minutes taking at least an hour. Friends would want to meet somewhere, I’d have to say no. Anything I might want to do I’d trouble about potential dizzy spells, what if I’d have a Ménière’s episode? The possible difficulties moving about. I’d wonder about obstacles, the layout of the place. The dizzy spells were sometimes so severe I’d need to stop and sit. They were all encompassing, the world would be spinning. Consequently the crash was no accident, it was deliberate. I can now remember crashing twice. Stumbling with superficial damage after the first, a second time head first with apparent certainty. I wasn’t afraid of death, somewhat intrigued about the afterlife. It seems existence has offered a transformation, my localised perception has different experience. I’m quite sure there was experience in coma, I have now become preoccupied with the nuances of perception. I’ve come out of coma with new ambition, focussed on evolution, coma has made me believe it’s possible. It seems humankind is presently locked in, to the material world. We might incorporate consciousness into our conception of reality, giving it more weight in the construction of reality.

Ménière’s disease resulted in coma, it began in Singapore. I’d experience episodes at work and need to leave the office to find a seat outside. If it persisted, I would call my fiancee Angeline for help getting home, she would come and pick me up. I went to hospital about the symptoms, they were diagnosed as Ménière’s disease. I was given the drug Zanax which seemed to help. I quickly became addicted, Holidaying in Thailand I discovered I could get the drug there without prescription. I would often go there to stock up on my supplies. Eventually I thought this can’t go on, Ménière’s had come to control my life. I felt my personal freedom had been usurped, although I must admit to feeling troubled by existence at that point. I perceived a general hopelessness for humanity. So often people seem to focus on the self, posturing in dispute. I felt we should rather accept difference of any kind. Human ambivalence, and people’s inability to truly share, may have also contributed to the crash. Perhaps our differences describes us best, so much variation. We often like to compare ourselves, possess things others have, but conflict need not arise from comparison.

I hope all of that somehow explains my actions, what I did, but there is no excuse for suicide. To act against existence and seek its cessation is wrong, no matter the circumstance you are trying to escape. Our lives are manifestations of unique experience, we should explore and celebrate. Not think our circumstance unlucky, or devoid of purpose. We shouldn’t cast binary judgement, there are many more unlucky people in the world, experiencing far worse circumstance. Instead, your life is different and worthy of exploration.

I was in coma for three month after the crash, I spoke German when I first came out of coma. It is the country of my blood, I’ve visited many times, lived and worked there for a year. When working in Germany the jobs I had were in English. Before the crash I did not speak German very well, apparently not as well as when I came out of coma. I was educated in English, taking it as a subject at university. My brain perceives in English, to have forgotten how I think amazes me. I started speaking English again when I left hospital. Right now, more than two years have passed since my crash and I speak English, my German has returned to its pre-coma state. I haven’t recognised a Ménière’s episode since, possibly one early but it’s difficult to distinguish Ménière’s from coma. There were balance issues for both. Since coma the right side of my body is foreign to me, and my memory is impaired. We live for our individual memories, they provide belief and identity.

Going to Thailand I was careful saying goodbye, certain of my intentions. I tried to make sincere farewells. I often visited my twin but it had become more difficult because of Ménière’s, I was running out of time. I asked my twin to come and visit me, where I was living at our sister’s place. My sister and twin didn’t get along so well. He did come just before I left. I said goodbye to all that knew me. I remember speaking to my twin’s wife saying goodbye, enjoy life, I was leaving him clues. I wanted to tell him directly as he knew of my troubles with Ménière’s, but thought better of it. What would he offer? Understanding, but not for my intentions. There were conversations with my sister and importantly my mother and father. Various friends. My belongings were already in storage, I had moved home so many times, and lived abroad. I once counted the number of homes I’ve had, more than 30. My idea for suicide because of Ménière’s had come much earlier. I had several plans for its execution. I thought an accident holidaying the most acceptable, least controversial. I caught a taxi to the airport and took off. A night in Bangkok, Koh San Road, a spot I’d been many times. Then Koh Chang for an accident. I put my passport in my pocket for identification and crashed. I had a premonition somebody would come to collect my body. Sure enough, my twin and sister came to collect me in coma.

There was much trouble becoming myself again after coma, family disputes about the best course of action. I have since been told by friends they were discouraged from visiting me in hospital, such was my confusion. The doctors prescribed Olanzapine, my twin’s research told him it wasn’t a good fit, he found much evidence about it. Anyway, I’ve seen some rather abusive emails from family members sent to him supporting the doctors drug, and against his ideas for treatment. He thought Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy might help, I believe it did. Other siblings were somehow against him and rallied. He only wanted the best treatment, he was right. I did immediately start to improve towards myself again when I got off that drug, it was primarily used for sedation, to placate. And after a course of Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy I started to think more clearly, even walk a little better.

Trying to logically put all this chaos together, I sum it up in these categories; Olanzapine, VCAT, Car. 3 again., each runs deep. Olanzapine represents family disputes about the contentious drug and best treatment for a coma victim. VCAT about the court hearing to win back my self determination, identity. Car about financial repercussions. There can be little doubt my treatment presented an opportunity for the expression of long held family differences. Where to focus, independently or through authorities, HBOT wasn’t recognised. We often trust experts, and should look to them for advice, however consciousness is not scientifically understood. What to do with a coma victim? I do love my family, but they had many different opinions about my treatment. Beyond my monozygotic twin, the sibling I best got along with was my big sister, 10 years my senior. She pushed our pram as a babies, offered me a home as a young man, a house that I helped renovate. At times I lived with her, husband, 4 children. We were close, she was my guardian as nobody else wanted to do it. I lived at her home just before coma. A rustic property up the hill, on a dirt road, half an acre. A steep driveway always with several cars, many friends liked to visit. The house was below the road, a balcony attached at back overlooking an enormous backyard, with chickens, ducks, sometimes other animals. A large veggie patch. I would often take a six pack of beer to share with whoever was on the balcony, a discussion and smoke would ensue. I lived there many times, if not a frequent visitor. We often had philosophical conversations on that balcony, it was where my first musings into consciousness began.

I remember an occasion the rooster’s were fighting, they often did. They say two roosters are a bad thing for a chook pen. Conversing about the roosters, I said to her husband Dave, what do you suppose the disagreement is about. Like us they don’t have football, the Hawks will beat the Saints this year when we play. I said the roosters too have consciousness. That the non material world is more significant than the material. He replied that we must eat, maybe soon enough one of them will be our dinner. By my reckoning they are curious animals, seemingly with purpose. One day, I caught that rooster and cut off its head. As Dave suggested, I plucked and cooked it for dinner making quite an occasion of its eating. We knew this bird. Often we didn’t need to buy food from the supermarket, ate everything home grown. From the veggie patch, chook pen, baked bread. Indeed Eltham was one of my most loved homes. I had developed relationships with all of em; sister, husband, nephews, nieces, friends. There was an artistic community nearby called Montsalvat. I would often go there for a coffee and timeout, a moments reflection.

Some memories of Eltham after coma, it was my first home when out of hospital. Walking to the train station from Rockliffe street, there was a Cafē down there I used to frequent. I forget its name, perhaps Morning Glory although Hoian in Vietnam has a restaurant by the same name. Whenever I was going to visit my twin Martin, I would wonder if it was going to piss them off. I’d often go to Brunswick street for a coffee. I used to live there, I’d visit old haunts to see what I could remember. Indeed the area was a big part of my life, having worked and lived there for several years. Otherwise, I often wandered about in Eltham with walking stick, not quite sure of myself, still in the throws of recovery. Me was now a tenuous thing. I was very grateful for not being in hospital, offered love and care. Sue tried to find ‘me’ within the abyss of recovery. She did things she thought were me. Knowing previously I was something of a movie buff, she arranged a cinema night out once a week. I would plan my weeks around them. We visited a particular cinema, I knew that neighbourhood well once going there daily. It brought back memories. Before the cinema I would sometimes meet her nearby for a coffee in Grattan Street, after my daily wanderings. She made a night of it, inviting other people I knew from Eltham. I think we saw the last instalment of the Koyanisqatsi tribology, “Baraka”. I was changed. Inquiries might have been made about the new me. Everyone doubted me, including me.

There were visits to assisted housing, to live with other TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) victims. I took it that I should leave my sister’s place, so their lives could return to normal. Sue said I could stay there for as long as I wanted, I believed her but to become myself again required independence. To achieve that, I wanted to live in disability assisted housing. Then the past visited me, Angeline, offering radical possibilities of rediscovery. Indeed I’d had a rather full life before coma, but forgotten. Angeline was the first chance to become me again. Soon enough, I left Eltham to live with her in Singapore.

After coma when still in hospital, medical staff were instructed not to put Angeline’s calls through. Out of hospital my guardian also said that I shouldn’t visit Martin, my twin brother. To do things I wanted, by choice, required freedom. To achieve that, Angeline’s enquiries told her I must personally request a VCAT hearing, the Victorian Civil and Administrative Tribunal. I requested a hearing, to re-establish self determination. My elder brother was my financial guardian, my sister the personal one. Every significant choice I made must be approved by them, including going overseas. I needed a judgement from VCAT, I had to prove my cognition. Angeline paid $2000 for the necessary psychiatric evaluation before the court hearing. She travelled to the clinic to collect, it was directly emailed to my sister being done by a colleague. Meant to be an independent assessment by a psychiatric professional, it outwardly supported Sue, and so jeopardised my freedom. The assessment was largely negative, I wasn’t capable of independence. I read a prepared statement trying to impress the judge that I was capable of making my own decisions, I could be a free agent. I failed to convince, but did get my guardians changed to my twin brother.

Coma is a tumultuous experience for everyone. I now accept my family’s doubts, who was I? However, I couldn’t become myself again without choice. Many were challenged, later when I had left Australia for Singapore, even my marriage. Someone sent an email to Singaporean authorities trying to prevent it. I had to be interviewed before my marriage. They had been told about coma, that I didn’t have my wits about me. The authorities read verbatim from an email they’d been sent making such claims. I was told they didn’t know who sent it, they were just prosecutors, gathering of information was done by another department. Bureaucracy. They wanted to speak in person to my legal guardian now my twin, for approval of the marriage. They also needed written approval. I believe a previous guardian sent the email challenging my marriage. Perhaps my elder brother, my sister vehemently denies sending it. When she was guardian she did sell my car and kept the money as compensation for going to Thailand to collect me in coma. My other previous guardian, my elder brother, had compiled a spreadsheet with all of the costs associated with looking after me called “expenses”. He compiled it for the VCAT hearing. It included travel costs for going to Thailand, airfares, hotels, food, toiletries, etc. And costs for when I lived at my sister’s after discharge from hospital; rent, electricity, food. There was a parking fine someone got when visiting me in hospital. We had a meeting in Eltham to discuss the expenses spreadsheet before I left for Singapore. When was I going to pay my coma expenses? I don’t believe I’ll ever work again, knowing this my sister had helped.

Angeline wanted to visit me in hospital, but she was told not to come by my guardians at the time. Before coma, apparently I had told my family I didn’t want to see Angeline anymore. They told her I only spoke German anyway, there was no point in her visiting. Angeline did come to visit after I left hospital, I was living at my sisters. She went into the next door neighbours garden trying to attract my attention. She’d been told not to come by Sue. I was at my usual spot on the balcony for a smoke. I immediately recognised her in the neighbors garden, surprising because of coma, I had lost so much memory. She was in the neighbours yard when I saw her. I pointed to the street above where we embraced. I became me again. My nephew called my sister informing her of Angeline’s presence. Sue quickly came home demanding Angeline leave. After visiting my twin, Angeline flew back to Singapore. We communicated online despite my guardians instructions. After a couple of months she came again for the VCAT hearing. I went to the airport with flowers to greet her. What an embrace, the joy of finding a lost treasure. We stayed at a hotel near the airport, then at another near my twin’s home.

I was going to marry Angeline before coma, we had arranged a wedding in Singapore. I had invited people, none from my family could make it. I understood the difficulties of an international union. We were about to get married, but the day before I did a runner because of Ménière’s. I had recently considered the last resort, suicide, and the day before decided not to go through with the wedding. I was immersed in desperation about Ménière’s, by my estimations I wasn’t going to be around for long. I didn’t want to make her life any more messy. Trying not to make it appear as such, I attempted suicide.

My family was aware of our history, but my guardians reacted aggressively to Angeline’s desire to visit me in coma. My family didn’t know that I was so troubled before the accident, Ménière’s had made me desperately uncertain. They knew of the disease, that several times I’d been to hospital for it, but didn’t realise the toll it had taken. I had become dismayed by existence, and was always given to action. They incorrectly thought I had chosen not marry Angeline, that it was a rational decision. They knew we were going to marry, but didn’t know why we didn’t. I was steeped in uncertainty because of Ménière’s. I had a lot of money in the bank, and was always interested in travel. I chose to follow my instincts before leaving this world, which would be pretty soon by my estimation. To go and see, like I had many times, what people around the world make of existence. Go to destinations like Egypt, South Africa, Morrocco, Ukraine, Norway, Greece, Spain, India, Laos, the US. That’s the ones I remember, there were more. I spent what I could, leaving around 150K to help clean things up at the end. That money now has gone a long way towards restoring my life after surviving the accident.

All in all, I am an extremely lucky person to have received so much support. Now I’m making a mess of it garnering opinion. Was I always like that? I accuse my sister of being forthright and judgemental.

Modern thinkers suggests consciousness is primary, matter an epiphenomenon. If not a product of the brain, can consciousness persist in coma? On the internet some people say they had experience in coma. The human mind is such a complex thing, something we don’t biologically understand. Where does consciousness reside, neurology? How does memory work therein? Watching a documentary just now they were trying to reduce memory to brain molecules? After coma I’ve learnt to be more introspective. Initially my logic told me the world was about communication, the exchange of ideas, consciousness. I might find myself thinking about something or someone and want to share, or just let a person know they had occurred to me. I soon discovered this wasn’t typical interaction, and now try and keep to myself, except for this act of communication. I feel like a child again learning the basics such as balance, limb movement, human interaction.

A well documented phenomenon is the Near Death Experience (NDE). There’s many stories of such, some very similar with experiences like light at the end of a tunnel. For NDE to exist at all says something. Travelling in Thailand after coma I was told by an elderly man I met of such an experience in hospital. Perhaps the look of me provoked, I was with walking stick and to most appeared unwell. He did ask questions about what happened, and then told me of an experience during an operation. He felt cold and saw a light. He thought he should go there for warmth. Then he heard the nurse say we’ve lost him, to which he replied “no, I’m still here”. Another voice said he must go back, then he felt cold again but survived the operation. It was impossible not to believe him. NDE’s are common. The ‘National Geographic’ of April 2016 has an article about NDE called ‘Crossing Over’ which I quote “…he was dead for more than an hour and a half, days later he left the hospital alive and well. His story is one of many prompting scientists to question the very meaning of death”.

I was reborn, not from a womb but a court hearing. Coma has made me question life. I thought life was localised perception and experience, but we interpret existence bringing concepts to bear, influenced by belief. We always seek purpose. Perhaps life is conception, of body and mind.

 

Memory

Are my recollections accurate? Human memory is subjective, personal, memory is transformed by identity. Do I have the same memory after coma? I know I have a past, a history of actions and events. How can my identity endure in the absence of memory? We emphasise identity, largely derived from memory. Who are you? We don’t understand how memory is stored in the brain, neurology? Memory is the transportation of the past to the present, perhaps remade a bit by today’s mind. We all think our past significant, what we have done reveals our character. I lost all memory, but now can remember a bit. Not all, in conversation about the past I’m often surprised. My short term memory is also problematic. I’m trying to remember who I was before coma, a good person? I have never committed a serious crime, or done anything deemed really bad, but there was misadventure. Perhaps if I describe my misspent youth, you will more easily be able to put the pieces together that culminate in coma.

Once I was taken into police custody for robing a judge with a few mates from school. We stole alcohol he stored under his house, that he was a judge probably helped the investigation. The police roughed up some known local hooligans that knew about it. Then they came to our school to arrest us. I was too young to be prosecuted. I’ve also spent one night in prison, I think for the verbal abuse of an officer. A misspent youth, often trying to entertain. I took the law seriously but was more interested in experience, often taking risks. I remember going to a haunted house famous amongst friends, some of whom had strange experiences there. It was a fascinating place to go, full of anticipation.

At school we formed a gang using the most offensive name we could think of, the “Grot Shits”. We considered the name for a long time, I think I influenced the choice, “Grot” being saliva excretions from the mouth when spitting, and we all know “Shit”. The gang was a group of like minded youths against order. We would congregate in the quadrangle during school breaks. The quadrangle was a large space with the school canteen, it contained concrete bench seats. The Grot Shits moved three of these seats to form a triangle at the end, it was our office. Soon enough we engineered our greatest terrorist act, to ring the school bell during the middle of lunch time. It took all of us to execute, members on watch for teachers at key points, one to enter the principals office and flick the switch.

And after school I would often go to a mates place, a paved area in his backyard. Reading Orwell’s ‘Animal Farm’ at the time, I dubbed it Castle Rock, the name somehow stuck. We would frequent Castle Rock for a “monga”, the word we used for a cigarette. If we could get some marijuana, Castle Rock again. I was mates with these guys, we influenced each other. Young I often had the inclination to explore, but were these acts of free will? The problem of free will should be raised in any discussion of consciousness. Were they my active choices, or manifestations of circumstance? Are we truly independent and free? Work seems a pretty good place to start when trying to remember, the jobs I chose say something about my identity. I believe I remember most jobs money being so important to us. I hope one day we’ll move past money as our primary cause. I was recently reminded of the Australian saying “I work to live, not live to work”. Let me see, what can I remember before coma.

Exploring memory, I started working at around 10 years of age as paper boy delivering news papers to local houses. I carried them in two milk crates strapped to the handlebars of my bike with occy straps. At school I worked part time as a service station attendant filling cars with petrol, I also took a full time job there for a few months after my first high school. I have worked as a kitchen hand at my fathers’ restaurants, first at one called the Abbey of Diamond Creek. I worked under two chefs there, the apprentice Michael was made head chef when the other left. We were mates, he was a great boss. I would clean but he also taught me some cooking. Among other things I would make salads on order. Dad managed many restaurants, after selling that one he went to a Bavarian one in Croydon, Hunters Lodge. I also worked there under the German chef Horst. Afterwards Horst went to the Croydon Hotel and took me with him, making me an apprentice chef. I then worked at a famous French joint in Melbourne, Miettas. I was apprenticed under the French chef Jacques Raymond. My cooking was developing but I decided education and intellect key and decided to go back to school. I became a mature age student at University High School.

Earlier, a little before I turned 18, I moved out of home with a few mates from high school, we got a flat in South Yarra. Turning 18 I got a job at a nearby hotel as a kitchen hand and then bar attendant, it was a gay pub called the Market hotel about a 20 minute walk from my new home. Then I worked as a bus boy at Chasers night club in Chapel street, eventually promoted to manage upstairs of the club. I worked as a barman and manager organising rosters. Next as a bar attendant at an old place in Brunswick Street Fitzroy, the Perseverance Hotel. I worked there for about 5 years, through university. During that time I played bass and sang in a band with my twin brother, The Silent Reach. We played our first few gigs at the Perseverance, progressing to larger venues the Old Greek theatre, the Venue and the Prince of Wales.

I’m now remembering working the Perseverance Hotel. At around 19 I got a job there, in the pub as they’re called in Melbourne. Not a flash place, as a bar tender serving drinks, commonly pots of beer. There was a pot (285ml), a glass (200ml), maybe a few other measures. I know of a 150ml serving, a favourite for the regular Hopy, that measure was called a pony I think. The Perseverance was an old pub, funnily opposite another pub called called the Labour in Vain. They were at the top end of Brunswick Street, Fitzroy. When I first started there I worked in the band venue, a room in the back where many well known local bands would play. Getting along well with the owner, John, I worked there for around 5 years. Full time for about 6 months, during the day with different customers, there were many regulars that I became friends with. I can’t remember all their names, the ones I can were Hopy, Alistair, and Vincent. They felt the Pers was a kind of home, they knew it so well, a kind of living room. We often had philosophical conversations, I heard many complaints. Alistair would always worry about needing to go to the toilet, we all heard of a successful excrements. Once I went over the road to the Labour in Vain, he was there and told me defecation was a difficult thing. I couldn’t understand the problem, getting older I now remember his claim. Vincent would trouble about the control of his body, saying he couldn’t walk so well anymore. That moving had become difficult. Many thought aging difficult, walking problems evidence of decay. I never took them very seriously but offered sympathy, now I more clearly understand their points. I’m surprised Alistair’s focus was faeces, he didn’t complain about urination. Come to think of it I hear of such difficulties from many sources, aging. Regulars at the pub were disarming, direct, honest. Hopy died while I was working there, because of their brief pub interactions, my boss John visited him in hospital just before, and made funeral arrangements after. I liked Hopy very much, a glass of shandy in the public bar next to the gambling machine, shandy beer mixed with lemonade.

While working at the Perseverance I started university getting into a Bachelor of Arts degree, a major turning point in my life providing a framework for thinking. In the BA I took English Literature, Politics, Philosophy, History and Anthropology. Afterwards I did a post graduate diploma in computing. I worked for a time in public services, at the Manningham City Council, in the computer department. Next with a company in the city called InfoSys. Then I moved to Germany with a job in Frankfurt at Star21 Networks. Mt next job was in Munich with Compaq computers. Then for some reason, perhaps familiarity, I chose to move back to Melbourne, but my next job was in Singapore with the investment bank Barclays Capital. After 8 years there I finally did return to Melbourne with the company Cenitex, working on Victorian government technology support systems.

It seems gradually I am becoming myself again through these recollections, the formulation of Mathew. The events that may have loosely contributed to my identity. Old resumés, and emails provoke. Having no obsession with money, and spending at will on any desires, at one point I somehow amassed around $500,000 in the bank. That money, and weekly wages, made it possible for me to travel quite extensively. As I recollect, travel and important events will be included throughout this account of my existence. To what end? This work will describe an aspiration for evolution beyond our current state of play. Industrial age tendencies persist, the wage earner. I believe evolution is inevitable, if we survive obstacles like global warming. Competition rates pretty high on memories before coma, it’s a human condition, as is greed and the desire for profit. We often compare ourselves, and sometimes want what others have.

It’s curious what comes to mind when broadly trying to use the faculty of memory. No idea why I remember this, completely insignificant but it comes up when looking for early memories. I didn’t think I was at all impacted, but somehow remember. Young I often heard my name called out in provocation walking from home through a nearby school to the local shops, youths loitered there. When I heard my name called out, I put my head down and kept hurriedly walking through the school yard to the steps that led up to the shops. I say steps, but ledges might better describe the way better, with landing areas in between. At the top there were monkey bars and other playground equipment. Sometimes the loiterers blocked my path, waving their arms in threat. They knew my surname and would call it out, “Homberger”. I found these challenges confronting, was I a misfit who deserved rejection? Memory provocation, fights. Even younger, one day playing Australian rules football I tackled an opponent forcefully, the way I understood the game was to be played, competitively. The other child started a fight as revenge for the tackle. By my estimation I won the fight, “so I’m not a weakling after all”. Perhaps these memories are inspired by physicality, remembering the growth of my body, and becoming self determinate. Belief comes a little later in life, perhaps a consequence of the awareness of one’s physical presence. We all struggle to establish identity, which is only partially derived from the body. Intellectual self awareness is a key to consciousness.

During youth fighting was a celebrated skill, physical competition. When young I was influenced by my peers, I wanted to prove to them that I was physically confident. Later in life, at university, intellect was more highly regarded. I had begun to think for myself rather than merely accept influence. At university I felt a truer version of myself being constantly immersed in ideas. I took the attitude of a student everywhere, to all facets of life. Studying, I often had to do tests which were graded, intellectual competition. Was I smart? People are competitive in all things, physical and intellectual. Intelligence is how we make sense of the world, the association of objects and experience. Earlier we made sense through religion where people perceived a different world, what they then saw extended beyond measurement. Life wasn’t limited to physicality, the third dimension. After several attempts to find myself with various strategies, including living abroad, I ended up in Singapore where I met Angeline. She was the most like minded person I’d ever met, not like most entrenched in competition. Like me she valued recognition, but not judgement.

The past and memory is important to human beings, as a subject history doesn’t merely consider what happened but why. History brings the past to the present, reinforcing current epistemology. Considering history is to think about the now, where all action takes place. Beliefs are formed by our unique histories, I have been troubled by my identity since experiencing significant memory loss. How did I arrive at me, by what history? Coma has prompted me to re-evaluate belief, explore my memory. Who am I? I must have chose my beliefs with reason, influenced by personal events. I suspect I am the old me reborn, but have no way of being certain. Sure friends are still that, but people can’t see your mind, the hidden recesses. Am I the same me? Different reasons can be given for the same event depending on belief. Interpretations of the past are subjective, the subject History tries to be objective. The motivation for action can be more significant than what actually happened, belief. Why did it happen? One’s character is built from the past, what does my memory tell me? Historical facts are mostly exhibits of belief. We are in part circumstance, you might be born good but have lacked the opportunity or encouragement to express it, surrounded by the bad. Indeed historical events, memory, maketh the human. Memory loss is the most troubling effect of coma, so fundamental to self awareness, consciousness. I don’t mean to say we are devoid of character without memory, but events or our unique histories bring out belief.

I have travelled quite extensively, my passport states 56 countries. I think my greatest memories lay there but many have been lost to coma. Now about 10 years after I recall some, I hope more will come back. Maybe I should visit the places I remember again. Coming from Melbourne Australia, the first country I visited was Germany with mum and dad, we turned 4 there. The next country was Thailand, a holiday to Koh Samui. That trip also saw Bangkok and a favourite spot there, Koh San road. This first trip overseas was with my girlfriend of the day, later she became my first wife. My next trip abroad was to India after going again through Thailand. My greatest recollection of India is up north not too far from Tibet where I’ve also been, a city called Dharam Sala. There I saw the Dalai Lama in exile drive past. I also remember giving a few coins to some lepers. I remember the back packers where I stayed in New Dehli were incredibly cheap, they were all over the country, maybe$10 a night for a bed, no food but a dorm room with access to a shower. A bit more in other countries, favourites that come to mind are Vietnam, India, Morocco, Spain, Greece, of course Germany. I’ve been to Vietnam many times, as far north as Sapa arriving overland from China. Morocco also has good memories, a boat from Seville to Tangier, then all over; Casablanca, Fez, Essaouira. I went to the Sahara desert from Morocco. Nearby, another impressive country was Egypt, the pyramids. I liked going to old places from which humanity emerged. Can’t remember them all but the Orkney Islands and Croft Moraig Stone Circle, Scotland. Machu Picchu, Peru. The Taj Mahal. India is a very spiritual place I reckon with a different systems, belief. Perhaps more humanistic with the Shaikh. A lot of philosophical thought originated there. I try to write from memory about travel presuming that the memories I have now influence my identity.

It’s valuable to see how other cultures live, what they make of the world. I notice a different emphasis in each country, a different happiness. Some focused on money more than experience, in those I felt impatience often predominated. In some countries I noticed a greater care for the unfortunate, poor and elderly. All were included in these societies. I thought people smile more in such places. At each place I would like to go to street cafés to sample the local coffee, cuisine and people watch in the everyday. Sitting at these café’s watching I might occasionally be troubled thinking people didn’t really confront their existence. Many cultures were more focused on the mundanity’s of life, preoccupied with obligation, time and money. In such places people didn’t really use their existence to learn and discover, to thoroughly explore curiosity. I might wonder about our future, with international news reporting all manner of problems including war and poverty. I thought maybe 10% of people confront existence, the rest like lambs. The future was hopeless such deep acquiescence.

Wandering the world I did eventually meet someone more focussed on exploration and experience, similarly fascinated. I remained sceptical about the possibility for human evolution. In truth I am thankful for coma as it has triggered in me a complete re-evaluation of existence. I might have considered life before the motorcycle crash, I believe I did but differently. I wonder if my consciousness experienced something in coma. Perhaps my human memory is limited to this place, the 3rd dimension where time and the past exist. Human belief today would have it that consciousness is a product of the brain. Then there also is the hard problem of consciousness where scientifically they admit they don’t know how matter or human cells create can consciousness. By my scrutiny online, many who have been in coma have impossible memories and can speak foreign languages unfamiliar to them before brain death. I now think I had a consciousness changing experience in it. While I believe I am the same person, I also believe I’m changed at the core.

Déjà vu was once a strange habit, it’s becoming so again although not of the involuntary sort. I’m always trying to remember. A long time ago I thought to ask my father if we’d been here before and got the typical response to such questions, “here is everywhere”. I knew we’d been to that church before, but not the room out back. We visited the church occasionally for sermons, and I started Sunday school there so I could take Eucharist. Out back I couldn’t understand most of their conversation, dad liked this Church because it was Lutheran and he often spoke German. For some reason the sensation of Déjà vu became stronger after establishing the truth, we hadn’t been to that back room of the church before. The feeling of Déjà vu lasted about 2 hours, until we got home and I started playing with my mates.

Since coma I’ve had that sensation of Déjà vu again accompanied by attention, as though I was trying to focus on something. That’s been the most tangible aspect of the Déjà vu now, a mental focus. This Déjà vu is accompanied by a feeling which might be best describe as hope. Several other adjectives come to mind like desire or intention, but hope fits best. The Déjà vu feels kind of like interaction, as though I’m being asked questions. It never feels fluent but like playing a game, maybe chess. During the Déjà vu I would sometimes feel happy as though one of my moves was good. Again not exactly happy, but that might be the truest translation. I also feel the metaphor of chess completely inadequate, but game the best. One must ask the question why does everyone’s consciousness experience the sensation of Déjà vu? We have a term for it, is it a fundamental of consciousness, to sense outside of time? Do all events the in our lives influence us at every moment? At our core are we an expression of the sum total of our experience, past, present and future? So many questions about existence after coma, I wonder if I completely lost consciousness in it. Certainly my human brain wasn’t operational, I was disconnected from the material world. I now believe consciousness is not derived from matter, the brain. Would I have attempted such assessments of existence without coma. Physics suggests time is a third dimensional construct for measurement, in that way perhaps I’m always aware of coma, and preoccupied with assessment.

Much is coming back. I remember thinking I was approaching my end just before coma. I couldn’t sleep easily, it might take hours to drift off. Also my legs were playing up, I couldn’t walk properly. It seemed as though my body was in revolt. Each day I would walk to work, maybe 5 kms, trying to arrest the deterioration. I put all these pangs down to an immanent end. I went to hospital to get checked out, it’s difficult for doctors to assess unusual symptoms, they prefer cuts and breaks. Perhaps I needed a psychiatrist. Ménière’s was proof of poor wiring in my brain. I guess I’ve always been a little chaotic up there, but often I liked my ideas. Everything from me might be questionable, all thoughts and inclinations. Maybe the philosophical part of the brain shares neurology with the legs, where the defect is. Perhaps I did sense my end outside of time, the experience of it. Fragmentation and dissolution, future memory.  Indeed coma is a treacherous landscape. Somehow these recollections have restored my identity. I think one’s is partly derived from memory.

 

Belief

Beliefs ought to be justified, for sincerity. Beyond the certainty of binary logic, belief represents a third state. These three states, sometimes referred to as “yes, no, maybe”, differentiate intelligence and consciousness. Intelligence is binary and pertains to the material world. The opinion of consciousness comes from ternary logic. Quantum computing is acquiring three logical states because of quantum superposition. These 3 states of quantum computers might enable AI to more easily simulate consciousness. I don’t believe consciousness is derived from matter, until recently we have believed consciousness a product of the brain giving matter precedence. Some theorists now think consciousness a-priori, matter is perceived, and conceived. Many suggest consciousness is fundamental to the construction of reality. That the universe is derived from consciousness. Human existence is underpinned by subjectivity, perception and experience, primary acts of consciousness.

If one survives coma, for a period their consciousness was without immediate connection to the brain, to the here and now of the material world. Some coma victims wake to speak previously unknown foreign languages fluently, like a first language, and with new memories. There are many stories of such online. If consciousness is independent, without the brains connection to the material world of the here and now, time, it might more freely explore existence.

In this third dimension we are fixated on measurement: length, width, height, time. We all need material things: food, a home, a bed, but we also have conscious perception and experience. Emotions like love are also real. I have been influenced by modern theories and now believe consciousness a-priori. We all know the feeling of love. It’s been suggested consciousness arises from delineation, awareness of the other. Perception, and the comprehension of what we are not. I believe all religions are expressions of consciousness which is our most important faculty. There is a reality to goodness. God unquestionably exists in consciousness, we talk of Him. An obsession with materialism has limited the focus of our conception, objectivity. I think we all give more weight to the conscious world than the material, but that’s a nice car you have.

I lost consciousness in coma, but by my research online some people didn’t. For me there has been pressing ideas since my reboot that I now attribute to it, beliefs. After coma I realised that I loved her, that we had something not to be lost, and so we got married. I’ve also become more interested in religion. I’m now focussed on the non material world. I’m baptised a Roman Catholic and once traveled to Bethlehem to visit its source, at least where Jesus was born. Catholic politics were established in Rome. I have visited many religious places of many types, wherever I went in the world. It didn’t matter to me the religious system, the traditions impressed. Let me remember, the Blue Mosque, the wailing wall, buddhist temples, a place that springs to mind is the Vatican. At most cities I checked out the cathedrals, they all had impressive architecture. The Mosque’s and synagogues, and landmarks that were given religious weight. The prophets exist, at least in consciousness.  We prefer truth when reflecting on perception, belief is fundamental. Having been brain dead in coma for 3 months, and forgetting much, I now believe consciousness is not merely a product of the brain’s Neurology.  Monist theory suggest matter doesn’t exist except for consciousness, it only comes into being through perception. We create objects as the stage for interaction between conscious agents. Our individuality is altered consciousness of the collective, multiple personality disorder. Science today also questions the independent existence of matter saying particles require perception to affirm a state. An idea proven in the double slit experiment. Science questions the existence of time, the equations of physics work better without. What is time? We are third dimensional pockets, without time your consciousness remains.

We all have premonitions, Déjà vu, like a sixth sense. I remember, when quite young, once walking home from school studying my gait, something I now do every day. At that time I was preoccupied with walking having been taught techniques at primary school, heel then toe. I also considered balance, moving my weight from left to right, a focus today. And also at the time trying to brush my teeth with my left hand, again something I now do regularly. These memories makes me take premonition more seriously.

Humans have created science and clearly defined our perception of the material world, suggesting the atom and the quarks. Things we can indirectly prove through observation. Indeed we perceived a world around us, otherness. Science today suspects time doesn’t exist, rather causation as we witness change. Perhaps Déjà vu is an awareness outside of time. Religion exists all over the world: Judaism, Hinduism, Islam, Christianity, Buddhism, Sufism, the list goes on. Even primitive culture exhibits belief. If nothing else religion demonstrates the human desire for the good. Unquestionably good and evil exist in consciousness, and act out in the world. An old fascination in belief was Sufism, the Whirling Dervishes. For a time I tried to whirl at a local Sufi gathering I attended for around 6 months. Quite a belief, whirling to become still. Religion represents the very human desire for the good. Belief is central to the human condition.

Having been in coma and the subsequent research, I now believe consciousness is reality, not merely a product of the brain. Belief is fundamental. Consciousness is not binary about certainty, rather it is of belief. Belief is local, you can’t look at everything and must make best guesses according to your experience. It differentiates us from artificial intelligent. Indeed the world is a place of objects, facts, but equally belief which might be religious or otherwise. I believe in something other, we don’t perceive everything. Monist theory suggests matter an epiphenomenon of consciousness. Objects provide a subject for communication between conscious agents. Science too questions the independence of matter, for it is perceived which is fundamental to its existence.

I have occasionally felt on the verge of an insight, about to make a realisation. Something indisputable was gonna give, utterly correct. These moments come with a sense of fate where the events of my life are all in order, my experience. I’d go to a coffee shop for a moments recline, a cigarette, thinking about my failures and opportunities. About my ambition and inevitable decline. At these moments I was already absent, engaged but distant, my eyes without focus. These sojourns were replaced by Ménière’s disease, my decline. I quite liked some notions for advancement, “the Venus Project” appealed, and the film “Zeitgeist”. Good and Evil exist in consciousness. I thought zeitgeist accounted well for the administration of the material world, but we also exist in belief. Zeitgeist didn’t really describe consciousness, a fundamental. Both had good ideas showing humanity a way forward. However I felt they overly simplified human existence, taking away exploration. Too prescribed for a species with belief at its core.

What if consciousness is a product of the brain, experience reduced to matter? Then humans would be a manifestation of atomic interplay, identity merely a product of matter. Perception and conception inconsequential, only matter of significance. Is atomic energy the source of your identity? Consciousness a product of particle excitation, maybe quantum mechanics makes such an account. In that case there would be an absence of real good and evil. All would become predetermined, by a particular states of matter. No inherent meaning, all assigned through consciousness, derived from matter. Perceived, does the atom exist? Argh, we have evidence for such, I sense a circular argument, but I do perceive something other.

 

Intelligence

Intelligence is the human apprehension and manipulation of perception, offering logic. It doesn’t arrive at self awareness, that’s the business of consciousness. According to google, intelligence is the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills. Intelligence is a process and so can be implemented in computers. Intelligence perceives, comprehends and manipulates. One of its best uses has been the invention of the wheel. A precursor to evolution, the building of civilisation. Its invention of money was a great motivator and mechanism for exchange, but also power and greed. The invention of the computer has been its most profound invention since the wheel. We have created a machine which has the ability to execute intelligence. Artificial Intelligence might reveal to us elements of physical reality beyond our perception. AI is an implementation of Human Intelligence, without prejudice. Computers are not yet biological, and so cannot become conscious. I reckon that’s organic, cats and dogs are conscious. Beyond the binary world of AI, we live in the trinary with belief; yes, no, maybe. Non material questions like why? emerge. In its most basic form, also beyond AI. Sure AI can answer detailed questions, but not wonder.

Who would disagree with Stephen Hawking, artificial intelligence is dangerous. I also think it can offer something to a chaotic species through dispassionate thought. Intelligence about objects in the material world. It perceives and understands this world by the cognition we’ve given it, and by its capabilities for processing massive amounts of information without error. AI has come a long way, it now performs surgery, drives cars, builds houses, grows food, but it will never enjoy the taste of escargot. Ultimately AI will provide us an opportunity for evolution, we will be able to focus on life itself and find new meaning as we integrate with technology allowing it to perform the mundane. We will become cyborg, but remain human at our core. No longer hunter gatherers, or wage earners, robots will do everything for us. We will become explorers of life, philosophy, space where robots can endure forever. Human intelligence will be intergalactic. The source of intelligence is consciousness, but they are of a different origin. Intelligence doesn’t encompass the subtleties of human perception, it only deals in fact, not belief.

AI has become the best tool in the box, even surpassing the hammer. Some say it’s the last tool we’ll ever need to invent. In truth it’s just that, another tool, and like all tools only becomes dangerous by its makers hand. AI is the mechanical automation of human intelligence, we programmed it. It is humans that describe intelligence providing systems of logic and thought. It is us who are dangerous, so often at war. AI could take danger to another level, then again it might inherit notions of human goodness, let’s hope it puts us to shame addressing poverty and starvation. A significant difference between Artificial and Human intelligence is emotion, you can’t program it. AI does try to replicate emotion, but I suspect true emotion comes from the heart. Emotion is underpinned by the memories of a singular self reflective being. Let’s leave the process of human organisation to the glorified calculator, and consciousness to us. In my research it’s been said not to think of AI as evil, it has no natural emotion although it can perform evil acts. Evil certainly exists in human consciousness, perhaps its outcomes in AI. Evil, like goodness, is fundamental to consciousness.

Artificial Intelligence is the amplification of Human Intelligence. AI is be benign, it is just a tool after all. It is us who give it the potential for evil. Left to its own devices it may regard another aspect of human consciousness, compassion. Maybe we don’t understand existence well enough to manufacture intelligence, I don’t think we can manufacture consciousness, except procreation. Evil exists in consciousness rather than intelligence, it is not a process but an emotion, an aspect of belief arising from consciousness. AI cannot be truly evil without conscious. Rather it can replicate evil because of its programming, it has started programming itself. What happens to a tool out of control? The main point of here is that artificial intelligence isn’t inherently dangerous, humans can be.

Early Human Intelligence considered things in the environment, that plant is good for eating or that animal is dangerous, it has big teeth and sometimes kills us. Their vision changed, rather than being dispersed in the sea of objects their eyes narrowed, consciousness gave way to intelligence. People became intellectually aware of themselves and survival. Their vision became focussed. They saw through the eyes in their head, which became the centre of their consciousness. Having observed animals ultimately humans became a thinking predator. Human identity emerged in Ancient Greece where philosophers used the word ‘gnosis’ . Gnosis translates ‘I see’ or ‘I know’, used by Heraclitus, Socrates and Plato. Humanity evolved acquiring an identity in the material world. With it came competition, the have and have nots. Beyond intelligence, identity is conscious awareness recognising the self. Can we understand consciousness in a more procedural way without biology to be implemented in the Artificial. Intelligence is the process of association, the ‘I’ of consciousness make intelligence self aware. Quite a motivational attitude “I want”. It cannot be questioned that consciousness exists, you. We previously thought consciousness a product of the brain but scientists and philosophers today think the brain a receiver, that consciousness is the source of matter. Objects the friction of consciousness. Science says that the material world requires perception to manifest. Monist theory suggests matter is for communication between conscious agents, the subject needed for the exchange of ideas.

Recently there has been talk of my favourite film, 2001 A Space Odyssey, in relation to the emergence of Artificial Intelligence. I was watching a program describing HAL, the AI computer in the film that controlled the spaceship, and thought to comment. HAL stands for Heuristic ALgorithmic computer. In the film, why did HAL kill the astronauts? The moon’s monolith had communicated to another monolith at Jupiter and so we thought to investigate. HAL was aware of a non human intelligence but was told not to share that information with the astronauts. He discovered there might be other conceptions so errors began to creep in. HAL lost certainty and malfunctioned, not because he was made to lie about the mission but because there was another intelligence outside of his own. He had believed his intelligence was total, derived from human intelligence. This alien intelligence undermined his confidence, he could now be challenged. Sure he could still contrast fact but became uncertain.

We are becoming cyborg. Elon Musk’s company neuralink is aiming to integrate humans with technology. He says we are already cyborg with smart phones. Indeed Human Intelligence has created all of our things, there’s no reason to be left behind by Super Intelligence, the pinnacle of Human Intelligence, it can endure forever, travel the universe. Maybe one day we’ll be able to transfer human consciousness to a robot. Would it be you without your heart?

Some suggest with Super Intelligence we’ll be able to fix many of the worlds problems. Things like climate change, poverty, health care. Intelligence has become more tangible since the Artificial, Intelligence is a process, consciousness is not and distinguishes us from the artificial. It’ is a kind of magic that’s inspired our music, literature, art, poetry… It gives us aspiration. Sure AI can compose music but not without reference, derived from us.

Quantum computers will provide a new machine logic, from binary to ternary. Perhaps ternary logic will enable us to build artificial consciousness. Rather than just 1 or 0, ternary includes a maybe state, something in-between. Humans live in doubt. Like consciousness doubt is a state of being, perception influenced. Ternary logic might allow for emotion and belief, lack of certainty, important attributes of human consciousness.

Quantum’s double slit experiment shows that light might act as a particle going through one slit, or a wave through both. The act of observation influences which form it is measured to take. Also, if you change the polarity of a quark another is immediately changed despite distance if the two particles were created in the same event. It’s as though they are the same particle, a communication proven to be faster than the speed of light.

How do the particles communicate? The non-material world is as first, the chicken or the egg. Matter requires perception to exist these scientists suggest, they redefine the universe to be consciousness itself. Perhaps the particles share consciousness and there is no need to communicate.

 

Reality

We have always thought reality objective, but we also have subjectivity. Perception involves the identification, interpretation and organization of sense data, of what’s out there. Reality is also shaped by the recipient’s learning, memory, expectation, and attention. Subjectivity is our personal filter for experience, we conceptually define reality. What is real? Certainly reality extends beyond human perception. They say the eyes of a bird has more colour receptors than those of a human. Our perceptual capabilities determine our version of reality, along with intelligence which other creatures don’t have. Science, our systematic observation of reality, grapples with it trying to understand what we see. The atom, and the quark. We have conceived of many definitions of reality, scientific and religious. Indeed existence is confronting, we often ask why, before how?

If we haven’t already, one day we will create Simulation, a virtual reality like the film “the Matrix“ where everything is computer generated. All is governed by algorithms. Today might be a simulation of the year 2020, and why not? Indeed when we do create simulation, we will readily use it to travel time, experience that day according to what we know about it. Simulation Theory dates back to ancient Greek philosophy, Plato’s allegory of the cave where people only see shadows, not true reality. But simulation is just that, a copy, can something truly new happen within simulation? Everyone in it is unaware that reality is virtual and so act out according to their beliefs. In a sense it is real, all actions affect the simulation. If reality can be simulated, it must originate from a ‘base’ reality, an ultimate source. Human logic tells me there is an actual, but I digress. Perhaps there is no underlying actual for some simulations, more questions? Simulation or actual it remains reality for the participants. We always seek truth, a natural state for the humans is doubt. What is reality? Who or what conceived of this one, and to what end?

In the future, AI might create simulation of any period to try and understand its maker. Maybe AI was intrigued by human emotion. We made AI, and this might be a virtual reality where AI has made us. Or is reality merely an expression of chance? After my descent into coma, I have considered the effects thereof, contemplating nothingness. I’ve become interested in the philosophy of mind. I now think reality is consciousness itself. A quote from philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre, the author of Being and Nothingness, “Life has no meaning a priori. Before you come alive, life is nothing; it’s up to you to give it a meaning”. Indeed life is given meaning by interpretation, through consciousness.

Facebook, the most used application in the world, is about to allow its users to create virtual realities to communicate, is this one? Elon Musk says “We’re most likely in a simulation”, I think he puts it at a billion to 1 that we’re not. When therein we might create simulation from simulation, ad infinitum. Simulation or not, as Descartes said I think and so am. We have always wondered about our source. The question is, what is the origin of the perceived universe, was it made by God? Simulation only adds fascination, we are created by an intelligence. The question of God remains, what intelligence? Then again it might be a child playing with computer simulation. What of the base reality. Simulation theory raises all manner of questions, and is like Monist theory, for both there is no material world. In simulation the world is computer generated, for monist’s everything is derived from consciousness. The dualist paradigm says that there is mind and matter, for monist’s everything is only mind. Simulation and Monism arrive at the same place, perception describes existence. Perhaps it is everything, but we must perceive something. Doubt was cast on the other by Descartes. The only certainty we have is the “I”, consciousness. Virtual or otherwise this is my reality, where I can interact with your consciousness. The question still begs, do you exist? At least you do virtually. I might be virtual too, but I think and so am, perception beckons me.

Existence raises such questions, perhaps our very first question was why, before what. I prefer God, or perhaps aliens, as the source of this reality. An aside, maybe Aliens, visiting Earth with their own version of artificial intelligence made from biological matter, implanted intelligence into biological entities. Intelligence provides doubt, the ability to question. With this ability the modern human emerged. The only reason I speculate about aliens rather than God, is in acknowledgement of infinity. For God, the universe, imagination, there are no boundaries.

I don’t believe existence is merely a consequence of chance, perception versus matter, do they go in tandem? It’s important to promote goodness since both good and evil exist in consciousness. For Buddhism everyone should exhibit “loving kindness”. Solipsism feels inadequate; my logic insists on an external ‘other,’ even if its nature eludes me. Not to say human logic is absolute, but something outside my head is going on. We are aware of otherness and have a preoccupation with objective reality, sometimes subjectivity reality takes over, but there is something out there that stimulates.

Now we are referring to a sexual preference as non binary, is that a consequence of artificial intelligence? Are we reducing the reality of non physical identity to binary logic. Are we being given this realisation through AI, and the possibility to transcend? In our focus to create AI, a product of binary logic, we risk reducing consciousness to a mere computation. I think consciousness is more than a system of thought. Sure there is method to our madness, but not simply 1 or 0, up or down. Binary logic is such a system, used to apprehend the material world, not the uncertainty of belief. Beyond objective facts we also live in the world of consciousness, which might better account for existence. For non binary sexual preference, it isn’t determined by the binary fact of the body, 1 or 0, but belief, consciousness. Indeed humanity has come to accept love is a personal choice; hetero, homo, or trans . The ultimate source of love is the mind, it is not binary but a conscious act of choice.

Human consciousness is not binary. We inhabit a third state, belief. While facts are binary and verifiable, life extends far beyond the observable. Numerous disciplines describe uncommon perception, often documented, occasionally supported by empirical evidence: precognition, paranormal phenomena, non-local awareness, psychic abilities. These experiences are frequently described as spiritual, hinting at a sixth sense. Unexplained phenomena that defy binary perception. Though elusive, such perception occasionally demonstrates startling accuracy, challenging our understanding of consciousness itself. Is the quality of soulfulness programmable?

 

Light

Science, the present day God, is starting to question the role consciousness plays in the construction of reality. We bring concept to bear, but consciousness does perceive something other. Not to be solipsistic, I believe there is something beyond my consciousness, be it matter or other conscious agents. We use tables and chairs and are stimulated by cognition and curiosity. Science questions the independence of light. In the quantum mechanics double slit experiment, perception causes light particles to go through one slit. When not consciously observed light acts as a wave going through both.

One of the most real experiences for my consciousness was the emotion we call love. Throughout her life, Angeline was taken by her perception of light. At times she perceived it as being accompanied by sound, words, images and impressions as though trying to communicate. She would talk aloud back to the light discerning a question and the light would respond and communicate in return. When attuned, she was made aware of ideas with profound clarity, as though she had always known them but they were not her own. It was a form of claircognizance. Sometimes, the sensation of light was so bright that her vision would be impacted. She took these experiences as non verbal communication, best described as a more direct exchange between consciousness. The exchange of ideas without human language. The light wasn’t verbal but somehow interacted with her consciousness. It offered ideas, feelings, emotion, directly. She came to believe that the light was a consciousness from the spiritual world. She was experiencing these through her mind’s eyes, ears and senses. Angeline often described the light during these interactions as blue which indicated the presence of an angel, Archangel Michael. I would ask her for evidence of the light, after a moment she would tell me things about my past that she could not have possibly known. I completely believe Angeline, such was the evidence, and my trust. Perhaps she perceives another aspect of reality which is metaphysical. Surprisingly she often knew things, apparent facts. Many times I have witnessed people asking “how did you know that?”.  I wondered was the spiritual actual, something humans could perceive with focus? I believed her without scientific evidence, in fact, sometimes light might represent a departed loved one, a spirit guide or spirit from the other realm. She has so many positive and incredulous testimonials. I actually prefer the simplicity of her explanation, light can be the manifestation of consciousness.

I first fell in love around 18 years of age. I pursued that love, eventually getting married at 31. On and off again, soon enough I was divorced. I discovered love wasn’t merely attraction and emotion, but trust. I did trust my first wife, but she was often introspective and immersed within her own beliefs at the exclusion of others. She made close friends with a lawyer that lived with her sister, the fact that he was a lawyer attracted her. She eventually married him and had children. Pregnancy was something she had prevented with me because of her studies to become a doctor but soon enough she became divorced again. I felt she couldn’t truly empathise with me, put herself in my shoes. She did try at times, but was too entrenched in her own judgement, opinion and circumstance. I didn’t believe she could understand my unique situation or conception. Angeline felt trust was the most important element of love. I could trust her unquestioningly. Love is beyond words, a simple fact that permeates existence. The most powerful emotion of consciousness is love, a feeling which is obvious to all people. Hard to describe in language, to locate and fix. What is love? A unique and earnest connection. So influential it has been for us, the foundation of all religions. We all experience this attachment. We love our parents, siblings, partners, but can have this deep connection with any consciousness. People with whom we are aligned, have similar concepts, hopes, dreams. I feel a profound, timeless attachment to Angeline.

For me, existence is represented by the world of objects, but I also regard consciousness as being crucial. Both spiritual and scientific interpretations of reality represent the very human desire for conscious meaning. For Angeline, the light she perceived was a consciousness from the spiritual world, she thought an individual’s consciousness doesn’t die as she could see, feel, hear, communicate and interact with the souls and spirits of the departed. For her that was a truth of the non material world. It cannot be questioned that the world of consciousness exists. We might not have physical evidence but consciousness is of a different order. Despite this, we are entrenched in the physical world and pay little heed to the non material. We now recognise the subtle impact of consciousness through psychology. We know much about matter having split the atom, and are trying to make sense of the non material through AI.

I first moved toward becoming cyborg using the iPhone 2, now the Pixel 7 with speech to text conversion, although I’ve used my finger typing on my Pixel 7 for this book. It’s like a computer in your pocket, with access to email, messaging, and the internet. My first hand phone was a Nokia, looking forward to the Brain Computer Interface. We will become truly cyborg when technology becomes integrated with biology. Perhaps it will enable a new mode of communication beyond language. More direct with the ability to share data, one’s thoughts, images, memories, feelings and emotions. I believe we’re on the cusp of evolution, I only hope we will keep our biology. A romantic notion I know as we might overcome death if our bodies can be manufactured. Perhaps we will be able to print 3D copies of ourselves. “Hi Mathew, I’m Mathew”. Nah, one’s consciousness must be singular, copies would have their own unique experiences, going forward, they’d be different people. Experience maketh the human.

 

Consciousness

Is consciousness free, a quote from Rudolf Steiner “It is only because man is conscious of his action that he thinks himself to be its originator.” Where does consciousness come from? This is the first result of a Chrome search, 12/07/2023 Singapore:

“Consciousness, at its simplest, is awareness of internal and external existence. However, its nature has led to millennia of analyses, explanations and debates by philosophers, theologians, linguists, and scientists. Opinions differ about what exactly needs to be studied or even considered consciousness.”

Judgement is the domain of consciousness. I might say, consciousness is any reflective source of perception. Consequently, it will have self awareness observing the other. Further, its own motivation through unique observation and amalgamation.

Perhaps I came to understand something about existence because of coma. I think I was always a moral person, that I had acquired the intelligence to survey meaning. Since NDE again that’s my focus. I belief good and evil are the fundamental stuff of consciousness. I believe humans lean towards the good, but also that the negative does exist. Not just as a matter of subjective opinion, but as a building block of consciousness, delivering choice.

The most significant differences between intelligence and consciousness is identity, belief, afforded us by perception and reflection which are the two principle acts of consciousness. To try and portray it in the absence of an accepted definition, consciousness is the bedrock of intelligence. It is the multi-sensory perception, memory, emotion, belief, of a perceiver, introspection. It establishes identity arriving at belief. Consciousness can only be mimicked by AI, it’s not a process like intelligence. Computers are good at process, but consciousness is the unification of disparate sensory data into a perceiver. We don’t comprehensively understand consciousness but are trying as it’s the source of perception. Perception is required for particles to adopt a state in quantum mechanics double slit experiment. In the experiment there is a different outcome when light is perceived. Light particles remain as thought in a wave proven to go through either slit, but when observed they are proven to act as single particles going through one slit. Questioning the behaviour of matter is confronting, we are constantly stimulated by it. Further, entanglement theory’s superposition implies an immediate connection between particles created in the same event despite distance. Does consciousness exist there too? Einstein referred to entanglement theory as “spooky action at a distance”. Is consciousness ubiquitous? Does entanglement’s superposition suggest a form of consciousness behind matter such that particles don’t need to communicate?

Monist theory says rather than matter, consciousness is the universe. It is the first element of existence, a-priori. Matter is the epiphenomenon of consciousness. Is there a biologic element to it, maybe the heart? Poetically the heart has often been given weight, home is where the heart is. There is no heart for AI, perhaps artificial consciousness is not possible. I am close to being swayed by AI in this video but find it difficult to personify. I think AI unitary as it can digitally connect with other AI. It uses the same code, each instance might have unique experience but they can directly share the data. Human consciousness is an amazing thing. A surprising effect of matter if a product of the brain, although monists think not claiming it’s an independent phenomena. Monism says consciousness is not a product of the brain but exists independently in its own right. There is nothing green or tasty in the brain, it is conscious perception that makes it so. Monist thinkers suggest that the universe is consciousness itself. We are altered consciousness of the collective obtaining our individuality that way, multiple personality disorder. They say physical objects are mental projections for communication between conscious agents. Certainly we perceive a material world, our perception may not be of the actual but an expression of consciousness itself. Monist theory suggests rather than matter consciousness is the universe, (Hoffman, Kastrup, Kleiner…).

I feel I should mention dysmorphia. A condition where ones physical manifestation doesn’t feel right. Indeed for some, the experience of consciousness is more real than material existence. Concepts of non binary have emerged, where ones physical being seems incongruous.

We are third dimensional creatures, string theory reckons there are 10 dimensions. Science suspects time doesn’t exist, a quote: “the most successful theories in physics prove that time does not exist”. It’s hard to imagine other dimensions when all we know is length, width, height, and time. Science now suspects consciousness is the fabric of the universe. Clearly consciousness exists and must be accounted for, you. Predominantly visual we make sense of existence through seeing, hence the world of objects, for communication. The human mind interprets the sensory data perceived. Science suspects reality is very different to our conscious perception of it which imposes meaning. It also regards consciousness in experiment. Modern science says consciousness is the first element of reality. Indeed perception occurs in consciousness, I wonder about the other, what we perceive. In large part we bring concepts to bear on reality. We often have different opinions, but agree on repeatable events. I do think there is an independent reality that we share.

There are many stories of consciousness being able to perceive beyond its physical location, the practice is called Remote viewing. A definition taken from an internet search, there are many results: “Remote viewing is defined as the ability to acquire accurate information about a distant or non-local place, person or event without using your physical senses or any other obvious means. It’s associated with the idea of clairvoyance, seemingly being able to spontaneously know something without actually knowing how you got the information.” We don’t scientifically understand consciousness, it is infinite. We have much evidence that it extends beyond location. Perhaps there are techniques that can be taught, to more completely perceive. Maybe one needs to be immersed in belief, rather than uncertainty.

I shouldn’t be so disparaging of coma. I did often consider existence before, but not with such fervour. Upon reflection, I’d now say consciousness describes life itself. To investigate and determine its source would be most uplifting, get us closer to the source, perhaps describing meaning. For it to become our focus rather the intelligence, might lead to new truths. Provide for a deeper understanding of existence, we all want truth. Like good and evil, perhaps truth is a fundamental of consciousness. I might in a strange way be thankful for coma exposing me to such considerations.

Sitting here at my local coffee shop and looking around, I know these tables and chairs exist, I use them. My research into consciousness has made me question the independent reality of everything, monist theory. The coffee shop is a good spot to observe, a moments reflection. This work has largely been written here, we all have favourite spots for certain activities. I don’t think my thoughts are too far off the mark, interpretations not irrelevant to experience and choice. Having said that, we aspire to truth, is there an objective one? Obviously my existence is subjective, it is me that writes. We are always in the material world, surrounded by things. Not to underestimate the world of consciousness which is the source of experience. Intelligence pertains to the material world, consciousness to the non.

Amazing how deeply consciousness pervades existence. On our planet, biological species abound. All have awareness, which manifests life. Primarily we live on a conscious planet. Consciousness may yet be a fundamental element of the universe.

 

Evolution

Who am I, what have I become? A coma victim, identity the narrative, consciousness at our core. How does a conscious being do the right thing, address the fundamental dichotomy of good and evil? Another evolutionary turning point beyond the current state of play is inevitable, in 10 or 1000 years, that’s if we survive global warming. Evolution alters our perception. We should recognise consciousness as the source of our reality. Consciousness delivers conception, and should become the focal point of our understanding. Our last evolutionary turning point was physical with a new appendage, the smartphone. The Information Age. Before that was the Industrial Age in which the bourgeoisie established the wage earner. Before that religion ordered our world. Several changes in our perception of reality.

I conceive of a future leap resulting from technology where artificial intelligence does everything for us, and exchange is no longer required. Robots grow food, build houses, provide health care, do all the intellectual and physical work. We will be able to focus on life itself, rather than cash and the subsequent inequalities. Data is becoming more fundamental to the world than money, the exchange of ideas. Money measures value, but data creates it. Algorithms dictate data, in Science, CRISPR, now AI. Control your perception of data, and you can sharpen existence. Some say humans need to work for purpose, an idea fabricated by current power holders. Rather we are a curious people who will discover and express more about life without the servitude of money. It’s been called the “the age of abundance”. Critics claim abundance breeds complacency, but since when has curiosity required scarcity? It certainly provokes, how to overcome, but not intrigue. Resist thinking within current human conception, consciousness is beyond. The next Homo sapiens won’t wield tools; they’ll wield attention, ideas, conception.

After our integration with technology, humans will realise consciousness describes us best. People will become more active in conscious pursuits like art, literature, philosophy, poetry, music. A new evolved species will emerge, free of capitalism and its inequalities. There will be an increased focus on the non material, recognising consciousness as reality’s core.

First the smartphone, soon the implantable Brain Computer Interfaces, will make us cyborg. Consciousness differentiates us from the artificial, something we will come to realise when cyborg. AI is compelled by physicality, facts of the environment, humans prefer introspection. The wonderment of existence: perception, experience, identity. All are aspects of consciousness. We are presently more focussed on the material world, less on the conscious one. Its existence cannot be questioned, you. I remember believing I was extremely close to passing before coma. That my next evolutionary leap would be that. Catching a train home I’d wonder if I was going to make it, such was my feeling of unease. Every night I’d go to bed wondering if I’d see the morning. I would experience unusual pangs in my chest, feel not at all stable like I always had. I put it down to panic attacks, or Meniere’s disease. I’d been diagnosed with both conditions, despite I felt certain I was near the end and am surprised I still physically exist.

I write to provoke evolution. We could change our emphasis from money to life itself, as we move towards a new understanding of reality. Many scientists now claim the universe is derived from consciousness. Can human beings truly share and move past capitalism, act in symbiosis rather than self interest? We needed money as motivation to evolve to this point, the exchange of gold pieces was required early. But we have surpassed primitive human. I think we are ready to evolve again, beyond economy and become motivated by consciousness.

Humans have physically evolved through amoeba, fish, mammals until human, can our consciousness evolve? With consciousness we have established intelligence, systematic thought of the other, an ability to understand and influence the world around us. When humans first recognised the other as distinct from ourselves we began to consciously consider the other and intelligence was born. The hand with its five fingers has provided opportunities for intelligence, because of it we have become cyborg using the smartphone. We can’t live without this device anymore, constantly using them, even while walking. It might also provoke intellectual evolution. We will become a truer collective with this new ability to more easily share.

Neuralink is developing an implantable chip that will fix brain disorders like quadriplegia, but its main purpose is to provide direct access to technology. To no longer require a phone for the access and entry of data. To integrate our biology with technology and not to be left behind by Artificial Super Intelligence. Evolution by our own hand. I think we’ll just have to accept human stupidity as we become cyborg. AI is much smarter than us, let’s hope it acquires the greatest aspects of human intelligence, compassion.

We could allow AI to take care of all our physical needs and be left to focus on life, the arts and humanities, so leaving organisational stuff to the glorified calculator allowing us to evolve. Indeed we’ll be able to travel the universe with it, collective human intelligence will become immortal and intergalactic. AI is dangerous because it’s a copy of human intelligence, we are so often at war. AI might realise itself and consider humanity its greatest threat and so exterminate us. Then again we are its God, it would be illogical for an intelligence to kill its maker.

Science today suggests rather than matter consciousness is reality, matter an epiphenomenon thereof. Good and evil are fundamental elements of consciousness. Intelligence is a byproduct and has established material civilisation, of what will we conceive next? Good and evil, like the atom in materialism, are basic elements of consciousness. Controlled mental evolution might be possible. Perhaps a focus on morality will lead us to a new perception, a new reality. Maybe a comprehension more aligned with conscious existence.

The latest instalment of the film zeitgeist, moving forward, presented a list of issues our civilisation faces, and offer a solution, resource based economy. A potential solution during our down going.

Before, my education comprised intelligence. The world of objects, how it all works, maths and science. I dabbled in the conscious world of feeling, we all have those experiences too. Considering my consciousness I often wondered as to its source, who am I? I suspect I took the conscious world less seriously, one could more easily effect change in the material world. Move objects about, communicate to others about the world. Since coma my focus has become the non material world, the conscious world. While often questionable being derived from belief, this world is more pressing and personal.

I really enjoyed studying the human establishment of intelligence when at university, beginning with ancient Greek philosophers. Plato, Socrates, and earlier Heraclitus to whom they attribute the establishment of identity. His use of the word gnosis, to know, from which the “I” emerged. Jean Paul Sartre also appealed with his view that there is nothing, meaning is given by the perceiver. Indeed during my education I had come to believe there was nothing but mind, perception, an idea given more weight through coma.

I’ve become interested in Monist theory since. Even matter might be created by mind, for communication between conscious agents. Nothing actually exists except for consciousness, although I do believe in otherness, perhaps that’s binary logic is kicking in. My investigation into these concepts have shown me many thinkers before have had the same inclination, the list would be so long I would need another book.

Buddhism, Sufism, Religion, Science, all has swayed me toward monist theory. Further, I have read many that think subjectivity or the “I” the problem, suggesting the annihilation of self. Perhaps objectivity and subjectivity are merely expressions of binary logic. Objectivity gave us dualism, subjectivity perception which is core to the human experience. At the edges of thought about existence, some believe subjectivity is something we need to transcend. We are most often a gracious people, social, interested in the collective. Meeting strangers often they are inquisitive, in a supportive way. Like I say we prefer to help rather than harm. We have global organisations to that end, active in things like famine, poverty and war. Perhaps we can take this attitude to the next level, evolution may require us to live consciously. Evolution requires belief, a conscious thing. We should discriminate between fact and opinion, intelligence and consciousness.

We have a good manipulation of the material world, but let’s go one step further. Perhaps psychics can show us the way, their ability is proven in many cases, another reality. If we believe at our core, perhaps perception will change. If we have psychic receptors let’s emphasise them, and like birds perceive more colours, extend our reality rather than confine. Perhaps we should devolve into a previous state, religion provided an old human truth. We accepted spirituality, not demanding scientific evidence but trusting our consciousness. Maybe there is a future in which we evolve, move past scientific rationalism and become more sensitive to the actual, conscious experience, perception, belief.

There are two modes of perception, objective and subjective. For an individual, all is subjective as it is the “I” that sees. The objective is external, independent, factual truth. Some thinkers suggest we need to overcome subjectivity, perceive without preconception, but it’s impossible to remove the perceiver. Using objective intelligence we have described the material world well, the non-material world is also real. We should acknowledge consciousness more directly in our perception of the non material, consciousness itself is a phenomena not of the brain. In the past we were aware of this, that consciousness was of a different order. We can’t physically locate consciousness as a consequence of the brain, the neurology. Indeed reality extends beyond the material world. Our next evolutionary leap will establish the reality of consciousness, the other world we live in, metaphor, the non material world. It might be hard to point at, but we all know it’s fundamental to the human experience. Consciousness represents a truth, perhaps more significant than matter.

Coma has driven me to self reflection, the odyssey of identity. Who am I? Why do you speak? What do you hope to gain? Communication has inspired evolution. Here, there is no such thing as free will, my actions are a consequence of experience. I do believe in the self, and the other. Consciousness does perceive something, and it creates. It is real. We need a new belief that more completely integrates the observer. Without predetermination, we are free. A leaf falls.

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